What I Wish Someone Had Told Me about the First Five Years of Marriage
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Review by Jeff J. Lancon for What I Wish Someone Had Told Me about the First Five Years of Marriage
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In a nutshell, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I found it full of great advice for newlyweds — a lot of which I wish was so succintly put for me to read when I first got married! (Guess that’s why he gave the book that title!) What I really want to compliment on, though, is that many of the instructional books I’ve read tend to take a single theme or statement and repeat the same thought over and over and over and over and it makes the book almost insulting in its tone. I find myself dreading to open the book, and before I’m halfway done, I skip pages because they don’t contain any new thoughts. This is even true of books as “best selling” as “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
Roy covers a very wide breadth of topics, and while a common theme of open communication and consideration is kept, it is done in a very easy to read, almost conversational tone, that invites the reader to continue forth. Each chapter has a unique story that expresses the concept in a very real way.
I highly recommend this book to couples who want to take that next step and want to be prepared for REAL married life — not the fairy tales. I think Roy did a phenomenal job, and hope he continues writing!
June 22nd, 2010 at 9:18 am
Review by Claire Carluen for What I Wish Someone Had Told Me about the First Five Years of Marriage
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I really enjoyed this book! It is great advice, not only for newlyweds, but also for any married couple. Each chapter gives advice on a new topic that all couples must face – personal baggage, in-laws, communicating, etc. It’s all good stuff!
Roy’s style of writing makes the book really easy to read. I especially like the many stories he includes of other married couples and his own marriage to Mindi. (I would find myself wanting to skip from chapter to chapter to read these little “nuggets” …) You know that he is writing about things that he and his wife have truly learned along the way. I also like the scripture reference at the end of each chapter and the questions for reflection. They offer great “food for thought”!
I highly recommend this book! I look forward to future books by Roy!
June 22nd, 2010 at 9:33 am
Review by Carol Blank for What I Wish Someone Had Told Me about the First Five Years of Marriage
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Through his own marriage and his work as a couples therapist, author Roy Petitfils has learned that relationships succeed not because things work out, but because couples work things out. “Marriages are not self-sustaining and do not survive on autopilot,” he writes. He explains the “big deal” about the first five years is that during this period couples make major decisions on such issues as lifestyle, career, and finances. His book is not designed to take the place of marriage therapy or marriage prep courses and programs. Instead, its goal is to bring hope and inspiration to readers as they look at ways real couples work on their marriages.
The content is upbeat and up to date, with frequent references to current culture. A chapter entitled “The Real Amazing Race” contains the quotation: “Show me your checkbook and your calendar and I’ll tell you what your priorities are.” Petitfils offers several time management exercises. Identifying priorities is a two-step process of listing what is important in your life then ranking the items numerically. Petitfils provides his personal random and numbered lists, reminding readers that the important thing is honesty. “It is no good to arrange our priorities the way we think our spouse wants to hear them or the way we think they should be.” The tracking time exercise consists of a daily log of what you do and how long it takes. “Becoming aware of the incongruence between what we value and how we spend our time” can motivate us to refocus and realign, Petitfils writes.
Once these individual exercises are complete, it’s time for the spouses to “get in sync” by discussing results and, possibly, making a joint list. Staying in sync is the next step. One couple sets aside 30 minutes each Sunday evening for prayer and planning. They review three categories: material goods, family to-do list, and personal goals. In this section Petitfils examines pros and cons of group organizing devices, from a calendar on the fridge to a digital scheduler. The chapter’s scripture selection is Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 “For everything there is a season…”
June 22nd, 2010 at 9:46 am